Subject: Scientific Breakthrough: Densest Element




Densest element discovered

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the
>densest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and
224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These
particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact
with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons
in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of
moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity or concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that
radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since
it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.